The Quest for Revenge - Part 1

This story takes place after the stream on Thursday Feb. 8, when Tom killed the goblin mini-boss in the test world

The goblins ran around in fear as the three soldiers with wooden swords came in and murdered their great leader. The few surviving worker-goblins formed a group and ran into the forest, abandoning their cool tree tent. The enemy soldiers went back to the wooden tents they came from and the goblins didn’t look back until the sun began to fall. The group of only three goblins stopped to breathe. “What is that bout?” said one of the Goblins name Neil
"I’s don’t know, but day kill Grag!" spoke a goblin named Jonas
"Now we’s alone in a spooky tree place" Neil whispered, he was starting to get scared. Then they heard a noise behind a berry bush, and they bunched together, getting out their pickaxes. It was a ginger haired goblin named Eric, he was the son of Grag, and he had some goblin armor and a sword.
“Bad people be sleeping in wooden tents” spoke Eric in his deep tone. He was acting as he always did when someone died, he would become a hardened shell for a week or two. Eric led the other goblins to the enemy’s wooden tents to take supplies, when in a stockpile, the goblins found a strange paper.

A goblin named David read the paper, since he was the smartest of the goblins, “Dear Tom, We have eliminated the goblin mini-boss and took the treasure with us, since you gave us the battle plan, we will send you a couple of treasure chest to the location you gave us on the map, From, The Royal Guard” Most of the goblins looked confused, since they did not know most of the big words David said. David spent another hour explaining the letter to the goblins. Once everyone understood they looked at the back of piece of paper and there was a map. There were some instructions to help guide whoever had the map, it said: Go north until you come to a vast area of blue voxels, to tell your at the right place put your hand in it, you will feel it go through your fingers and your fingers will be wet, then find a way to cross the blue voxels until you get to the big red “X” on the map. On the map, above the big red “X” it said California, so the goblins started to march north to the are of blue voxels, to find this “Tom” and get revenge on Grag’s death.

The goblins marched through the world for weeks and weeks on end to find the blue voxels. The band of four marched over mountains, walked under tall trees, and more to continue north. The walking went on and on until the goblins were about to give up. “I’s can’t goes on any longer” spoke Neil in a weak voice.
“We’s must goes on for Grag” Jonas said, and Eric stayed hardened, not talking for weeks. They all were low on morale when David found it.
“Here it is!” David said with amazement in his voice… The world just seemed to end and the blue voxels were all that there was ahead of the band. Neil didn’t stop walking and stepped on the blue voxels, when he fell in!
“We’s can no walk cross da stuff! How we’s cross?” spoke Neil, who was now wet and shivering. David thought for a while when he tried something, he put some wood in the blue voxels and it didn’t sink! David got lots of wood and created a flat surface of wood on the voxels for him and his friends to stand on.

Soon they were on a raft over the blue voxels, trying to find out how to move the raft. “I’s know,” said Jonas, “Use legs to move!” David was about to correct him that legs were used for walking when Jonas put his legs off the raft, and into the voxels. Jonas moved his legs back and forth and they began to move! They soon set off into the vast area if voxels on a quest to get to California, a quest for revenge!



Hi @Zilla atm I don’t have time to give detailed critique on your story, i’ll make sure to get to it later today or tomorrow.
Glad to see you’re writing :slight_smile: and I hope you made a mention to fish-pikes :smile:

Heh heh, I love the comedic factor of your story. Personally I think this is how everyone should portray goblins, it fits Tom’s description “They think they are awesome, but really they are incompetent”

My major suggestion is make each dialogue a separate paragraph. It would make the story much more clean and readable.

I think you should write “the few surviving worker-goblins formed etc.” when I first read it I thought there was a significant amount of these worker goblins and it took me some time to realize what was really going on.

These two sentences contradict each other, one of them has to be changed slightly to make them fit. I would suggest taking taking out the first sentence, b/c it would fit the rest of the story much better.

I’m afraid I didn’t understand completely, is this a new paper or the same one they found before? You probably need to add a word or two to make it more clear.

That is all the stuff I found which make a significant impact on the story. I really enjoyed the story, it is very good, and like I said I love the comedy. I hope Team Radiant are watching their backs, it seems their creation is taking a life of its own :wink:

For all other writers, I highly suggest modelling your goblin dialogue around @Zilla interpretation :slight_smile:

–Edit: Added this to the lore index.

Thanks for reviewing my story! :smile: I fixed everything that you mentioned in the story! Part two will becoming very soon, and here is the plot of part 2 and 3! Part 2: The goblins’ many adventures on the high sea as they notice that everything is no longer made of voxels as they near California, so they are the only living voxel creatures in the real world! Part 3: I have two ideas for this, can you help me decide? Idea 1: The goblins get to Radiant headquarters and kidnap Tom! Its up to the Radiant gang and friends (Steve, Froggy, Turtlesquish, etc.) to save him from the goblins! Idea 2: The goblins arrest the Radiant team for virtual murder, so the goblins must go to court and convince the people of the world that virtual murder is a real crime and the Radiant Team should be locked up!

1 Like

No problem, it was my pleasure :slight_smile:

Cannot wait!

I’m flattered to be put next to such names :blush:

The choice is too tough to make ! both of them are way to funny! I think I like idea 2 slightly more then idea 1