ESO Beta Key Giveaway

I have a key for the Elder Scrolls Online Beta! The person who posts the funniest way to choose a winner, wins! I will post the winner before giving them the code. You will have a chance to protest and explain why your post is better, because there may have been some sort of inside or news joke that I’m not getting.

Entries end at 12 AM PST, although if you’re a couple minutes late, it’s fine.

P.S. I could’ve just given it to the first poster, but not only do I want people to work for their key, but I also want to have some fun! I might also have to deal with the judging part though…


“Play with them in one of the Whose Line Is It Anyway games and select the funniest contestant”.

may i just be the first to say “thanks for the generosity!”… i really do think we have one of the best communities around… :+1:

and with that, i’m going to ride off into the sunset, on my unicorn… :rainbow:

p.s. im not entering, but i think you know why… :wink:

Oh man, I’ve been trying to get into the beta for ages - stalking twitter like mad!

Think Spoonie, think.

The funniest way to choose a winner is…ummmm…crumbling under the pressure…ummm, who can make the best animal noises? No, that’s stupid. Who can kiss the most girls, no wait, what if you don’t like girl germs, that’s not fair.

How about, we just give it to that Spoonie guy - I hear he’s pretty awesome!

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None of them would be, and that’s the funny part…

I think the way to win should be whoever is the 4th person to respond to your post. Oh that just so happens to be me :D!

Ok, I’ve got a very serious question to ask all of you:

Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

On an unrelated note:

all out Kung Fu fight!! Drunken Master style!

best way to choose a winner? have everybody stand in a line and see how many onions they can cut before they start crying

By protest my choice of the winner, I meant you had to explain (preferably with a picture) why yours is the funniest. My sense of humor may surprise some people…

Get all the contestants drunk with gin, and make them try to play this song in GH3 while on Expert.

Whoever can survive the longest gets the key.

One person presented multiple funny ideas in a funny way, and I believe the key should go to him.

@Spoonie is the winner!

This decision is contestable however, and if you make a good enough case that your post is better, I may reconsider the results.

EDIT: Final Decision 5 AM PST

You should give it to the last person to reply hahaha

Or hey, you could give it to the biggest fan of The Elder Scrolls. Like the person who has it in their name. And if you’re looking for a laugh, I just spent the last hour making a web page with Elder Scrolls humor. Check it out:

Please choose me, I’ve really been wanting to play this game!!!

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not sure about the funniest way but you could do a tournament? last one standing gets the key. I guess it would be funny seeing people go bat crazy over being “cheated out of winning”.

p.s ^^^^^ that guy seems keen. give it to him? :slight_smile:

You gather the contestants in a group
All of them need to bring a bucket of Cheerios and milk

On your mark everyone starts eating cheerios and drinking milk.

The first person to finish both without puking within a minute after finishing, wins.

It’s disgustingly fun!

You could shoot everyone with an arrow in their knees and then see who stands up to not retiring from adventure like you.


Oh, It’s given already… I didn’t… I didn’t realize… ok… Well… That’s alright - no, seriously… It’s ok… back to Skooma it is, then… yeah, man… yeah…


how has no one used this yet? :clap:


I think this is a wise decision! That Spoonie guy is a cool guy, and I’m sure no one would protest against such a deserving winner…NO ONE!

AND, if there are any doubters, I went ahead and tried all the competitions suggested and here are the results:

  1. Who’s line is it anyway - I won with a 1588 points, narrowly beating Ryan Stiles with my impersonation of an adventurer taking an arrow to the knee.

  2. Animal noises - Probably the most stupid game (can’t believe it was suggested) - but I won with my impersonation of an adventurer taking an arrow to the knee, while impersonating a chicken. Needless to say, I was the only one competing in this silly contest.

  3. Kiss girls - Great idea, I like germs and girls are pretty. I won by kissing 1 girl 32 times. The judges were lenient because I was suppose to kiss lots of different girls, but they took into account how patient my mum was when I kissed her 32 times. Thanks mum!

  4. Drunk Kung Fu - Well I felt like I shouldn’t have entered this competition because I’m over qualified, but I did anyway. After smashing Jet Li, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris in the face, I had only one opponent left…David Carradine! (Kung Fu (TV Series 1972–1975) - IMDb) - It was tough at the start, because he was using props from Kill Bill - but once I neutralised him with my Crane technique, he was then paralysed, so I unleashed of my tiger claw. BOOM!

  5. Onions - This was way to easy, cause I eat onions for breakfast!

  6. Drunk on Gin, playing GH3 on Expert - Since my days as a Rolling Stone, I thought this would be easy…and it was! I even blind-folded myself and streamed it via twitch. Unfortunately my stream is down now and there is no way to verify my version of events, but I’m a stand up guy, I was in the Rolling Stones for crying out loud!

  7. Biggest Elder fan - Well I already said that, before ‘ElderScrollsFan’ came into town, so I kinda just won this by default, sorry dude - plus I made ESO underpants, that I wear on the outside!

  8. Bucket of Cheerios and Milk - Surprisingly we use to do this on the farm all the time, with fresh warm milk from the cow! Sometimes it was a battle because of the cows trying to eat the cheerios, but if you got quick enough, it all just went down smoothly, hair and all.

  9. Arrow to the knee - You wont believe this, but that’s how I got to this thread. Just out adventuring, killing my 88th dragon for the day with my bare hands, and then BOOM, arrow > knee. So I approach old mate who fired it, and sure enough it was the new guy, couldn’t work out his bow. So I helped him out, all the while bleeding and sent him on his way (cause I’m a nice guy) and made my way to the nearest internet cafe in Tamriel to sign up for this magical competition.

  10. There isn’t one, which is good because I feel real sleepy from all the bleeeeding…some…body…call…do…c…to…

You won for your last post @Spoonie, but now you’ve won by a landslide with your scoreboard!

I’d be happy too, but I’ve read it a few times, what isn’t kid-friendly?