The Half-orc: Prelude: The Uniting

I decided to start an episodic story series, because… why not? But before we start, I want to say that this will be an episodic story. That means I’m going to create a new post for every “episode” so that the story doesn’t lose it’s freshness. Now for a quick vow:

I vow by the might gods of stonehearth, I will eventually finish this story, sooner or later!

Where was I? Oh yes… the story…

“Gather around, for that, I, Beedle the brad, will tell you the story of our two towns uniting…”

Prelude: The Uniting…

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun began to rise over the crimson-soaked battlefield. A battle that lasted a good ways into Saturday’s eve was finally coming to an end. But not in the way some may expect. A mighty Orc warlord rose over General Tristan with his mighty battle ax in hand. Tristan cowered in fear. Half of his army’s blood and corpses painted the battlefield dull shades of red and maroon. Now, he was going to be another splatter on the canvas. General Garvoc rose his battle ax in hand… and dropped it. Tristan opened his eyes. He saw nothing but a tall silhouette rise above him. He whimpered a brief quote, he was barely able to deliver because his lips trembled so fiercely. “Am I dead?” He asked. Garvoc simply replied,
“No.”
“Then finish me quickly…”
“Finish you? No, my good man… I seek to speak to your township’s leader,”
“Y-y-y-your looking at him.”
“Ah, yes, very well then. Head to your village. I wish to have a… to say the least… formal meeting with you.”
“And if I decline…”
“Then you will be dead.”
"I’ll see you at noon."
The clock tower in the town square hit noon. The orcs dotted the horizon. All the townspeople trembled in fear that they would be slain. The foot soldiers armed themselves.
“Shall I sound the alarm, Tristan?” Asked the one Commander that survived the fight.
“No. Just let them in, for that they are here on business,” Replied the Mayor.
He told almost no one of the event, for that he didn’t want to frighten the common folk. The burly Warlord and his court barged into the dining hall, interrupting the public meal. The cook grasped his spoon tightly. Upon their entrance, Tristan didn’t gasp like everyone else in the hall. He didn’t grip his hammer or hoe. In the calmest voice he could muster, the Mayor blandly stated: "Take a seat."
Immediately, a group of people got up and pulled 9 chairs to the table for the Warlord and his court.
“Allow me to properly introduce myself.” The orc announced. "I am General Garvoc."
Tristan glanced at everyone else in the hall. They merely looked back at him, like a herd of sheep. Some had a look of horror on their faces, others astonishment. Some even looked at him in disgust. Turning back to the meeting at hand, The Mayor replied, “I ought to introduce myself as well. My name is Tristan, both Mayor and general of the town of riverside.”
“How many children do you have, Tristan?”
“One. Why do you-”
“I’m not quite done yet. What’s your child’s name?”
“Aston.”
“A boy, I suppose?”
“Yes. Now I get-”
"Let’s talk about what really, matters, at the moment."
Garvoc began to slouch in his chair and put his feet on the table.
"Although your town lacks in military, it prospers in almost every other aspect? Is this not true?
Tristan paused, for a second, in confusion. Then he began to speak, in the near-silent hall once more.
“Yes, it is indeed, true.”
"I see. Well since all three I, my court, and my superiors at the capital prefer to conquer rather than destroy, I propose that you add your town to our empire, we offer you the defense you lack, and you support us in our quest of uniting all that dwells near us."
Many of the villagers who decided to come to lunch in the public hall were shaking their heads in an effort to get Tristan to say no. However, Tristan knew the uniting of their people would be for the better. If anything, it would help the town of riverside. Garvoc smiled. It was quite clear his court approved as well. Tristan decided to smile with him.
"Very well then! The uniting shall happen, and our peoples shall be together in your quest of conquest."
That left the hall in an uproar. Many began to shout at Tristan. The priest frowned so hard that his hat came over his eyes. Tristan shouted something that ended the pandemonium;
"But!"
The uproar was silenced. The priest managed to fix his hat. The weaver stopped poking the Mayor with her needle.
"I have one mere question. Why did you ask all those questions about Aston?"
Garvoc stopped smiling. He began to speak again.
"Ah yes. Where is this… this…"
Garvoc paused for a moment. He began waving his hand in the air. Tristan raised an eyebrow.
"Aston?"
Garvoc started to speak again.
"Ah yes! Aston! Where is he?"
Aston raised his hand. He was sitting next to the weaver, whom was attempting to shove Aston’s hand down. Garvoc looked awfully puzzled.
"How old is he exactly?"
Tristan looked twice as puzzled as Garvoc did.
"Coming up on his 19th birthday…"
Garvoc looked thrice as puzzled as he originally did.
"Really? Because he looks a tad bit…"
Aston sighed. Then he proceeded to finish Garvoc’s sentence with the word “Tall?”
"Ah yes. That’s the word. Not tall, compared to us, but… Never mind! That’s all the better!"
Aston and his Father both stared at Garvoc. So did the rest of the hall. Everyone except the Warlord, his court, the priest, and the scholar were befuddled. The scholar was beginning to cry thanks to her ruined fantasies, and the priest left the table, muttering "I’ll begin preparations…"
Aston dared to ask the question his father was preparing to. "Why, exactly, is that all the better?"
Garvoc grinned. A she-orc in his court turned to him, whispered something in his ear, and left. Garvoc said in a very happy voice,
"Because your getting married, of course!’

“Well, folks, looks like we got rained out. Get inside the hall, and I’ll finish my story. But for now, I have to get my spare copy of this story…”

Tune in next time for part 2 of the prelude! Yes this is a long prelude, and yes, it could have a story of it’s very own. But for now, I’m gonna take a break from typing so my fingers don’t snap. Tell me what you think, and I’ll see you later!

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Ah, an episodic story! I (and I think @TurtleSquish as well) always kind of liked those. Unfortunately, they can end up getting a bit hard to mantain.

Well, good luck with your story, and with getting feedback!

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Especially that one!

Especially…

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Thanks for paging me bro, for some reason these stories have been slipping past my radar lately. :frowning: I guess i’ll have to check more carefully.

@Sandwitch i’ll post you my thoughts as soon as I read your story twice. It’ll be about 5 - 10 minutes.

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Thanks for being willing to give your constructive criticism.

(What he’s actually thinking: "Oh my Gawd this is the penman of all penmen, the stonehearth storyteller? What will he think? Will he chew me out on the extensive conversation? WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!?")

Very well written. You did something very right and i’m proud of you. You spaced your dialogue correctly. Its very crucial in making the story flow smoothly. It almost beggars an award :wink:

Now for my favorite part, and the part you fear the most. Critique.

Even though your beginning paragraph is very thrilling and runs smoothly into the rest of the story, it doesn’t really make sense for the plot. It would seem Garvoc should have started the whole “uniting” by waving a white flag and coming peacefully. Not starting a war and then halfway through find the headman and make peace.

Of course it can be explained, it just is a bit hard to believe. I wouldn’t change it, because it is well written. Maybe add a line explaining the war later on.

Interesting, as we don’t have orcs just yet. Only goblins. I love that your expanding the horizons though. Also Orcs should not be capitalized here.

Your dialogue is getting a little mixed with the narrative…but i’ll let it slide.

The orc announced would be a little bit better I think. Its a style thing so no biggy.

Capital probably shouldn’t be capitalized unless that is indeed the name of the capital.

o.O

oh the suspense.

This should be after Garvoc announces the “proposal”

Can’t wait.

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I’ll get right to fixing it! However, the scholar and the priest supposedly already know what he’s going to say, since the priest has been educated in all kinds of wedding traditions, and the scholar is supposed to know everything. Plus, I would have to explain Aston’s reaction, since that’s what a reader would expect, but I wanna save that for part 2!

Edit!: I forgot to tell you. Tom modeled some orcs in a stream the other day, and he said that they’d be more like the Huns or Romans than stupid brutes. That’s what I’m mainly using as a basis here.

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Cool, it was a style thing anyway.

Yeah I really wish I could attend the streams again. My daily schedule just doesn’t allow it anymore :frowning:

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Welp, folks, here it is, Part 2, hopefully the only other “part” to the Prelude!
(One slow clap comes from the audience.)

“Finally, I was able to find another copy of the story! Apparently, they didn’t print me a spare this year, so I had to do some rooting around in the archives… Now, where were we? Ah, yes…”

Pandemonium ensued. The chaos that came over the hall was even greater than it was when the uniting of the town was announced. Some say that the blacksmith’s hammer is still stuck in the ceiling to this day. Aston’s mother hit Tristan hard. The noise was so loud, even the half-deaf engineer stopped tinkering in his office and came out to see what the hub-bub was. The musician, whom didn’t really mind everything that was going on, managed to come out of his practice room, got a gong, and hit it hard. Really hard. After everything was silent, Tristan managed to get his next question out of his half-beaten cheeks. “Why is he getting married, exactly? And to whom, I may ask?” Garvoc answered his question in a rather merry voice.
"Because when two peoples are united, the offspring of their leaders are to be married. It is orcish tradition, for that the uniting of the families of the people leaders represents the nations coming together!"
Tristan winced at this next part. "And… who is the bride, exactly?"
Aston could already inference what Garvoc was going to say, so he left the table and started heading home.
Garvoc continued to speak in a jovial voice.
"Why, since he’s your son, the obvious choice would be my daughter!"
Aston winced as his ear that fell upon the door processed these words into his brain. Then he could no longer hold his ear to the door because the following uproar shook said door. As Aston’s father tried to calm the mob, he started to walk home. He sulked through the front door way. He mumbled up the stairs. And he made a miserable face plant onto his bed.
“Seesh” he thought.
"As if Father having to go to war with them wasn’t enough."
He started to gather his belongings. Seeing as he would be the son-in-law of a Warlord soon, he was probably going to be travelling a lot. And even if he did stay in town, his mother would not be living with a she-orc. He also grabbed the shield he got last year on his birth-
His birthday.
It was tomorrow.
This only made Aston slightly more miserable.
“Happy birthday to me…” He thought.
Monday came. Everything was tranquil, except for Tristan’s wife, whom had been passed out since last afternoon, and the 47 or so townspeople who decided to revolt against rather than prepare for the wedding. The rest of the townsfolk decided to move on, and be happy because they weren’t all dead thanks to orcs, as well as the fact the town’s favorite tall 19-year-old was getting married.
Aston dolefully stared out the window. He saw things being prepared in the town square. He saw the priest and the oldest member of Garvoc’s council arguing over wedding preparations. He saw a hasty funeral being held for all the men and women who died in battle.
“Well.” he thought. "Might as well make the most of it."
The day went relatively well. Aston’s soon-to-be bride arrived at 8:00. Aston welcomed her in. Although she was of a cheery disposition, due to the fact she was a she-orc, they both were mostly quiet. All the conversations they had for a while went like this:

She-orc: “Hi”

Aston: “Hi”

That went on for a good portion of the hour, until they came around to introducing themselves.
“My name is Sharvik” The she-orc said. “My name is Aston” was her reply.
Tristan finally calmed the mob down at 9:27. You can still see that the Armor smith’s anvil is resting in the front wall of the public hall.
Aston’s father began to attempt to brighten up the mood a bit.
"Seeing as it’s your birthday, Aston, I decided that I might as well give you what I intended to regardless of the battle that happened previously and the… strange wedding to follow."
He put down a poorly-wrapped blade onto the table. Aston knew it would be a sword, seeing as he got a shield last year. Tristan continued to speak. "Trust me. This is no ordinary blade."
Tristan spoke the truth. This blade would change not only the course of his life, but the course of many others. When Aston touched the wrapping, it was cold. Very cold.
“Why would that be so?” he wondered. He slowly began to open the wrapping. It was a blade of ice. Not actual ice, but it had an ice affinity. It had a sapphire embedded in the hilt. Both Aston and Sharvik looked at it in awe. It had a note attached to it. It said two words on it. “Be careful!” the note said. Tristan began to explain. “I had the magismith make it for you. He was more than happy to.” Aston and Sharvik left for the training range to test it out. And something happened there. Thanks to the sword, the young couple was actually able to strike up a conversation, and in doing so, they got to know each other. They were having such a good time taking turns with the sword and talking, they pretty much ignored the call for lunch, but were happy to come to get prepared for the wedding.
The cook was playing the piano for some reason, with the help of the musician. The priest was still scowling about the fact that this was an outdoor wedding during the evening. The elder member of Garvoc’s council was still frowning over the fact that there was so much white. The scholar continued to cry. Some of the human folks were actually happy for Aston, including the Engineer, whom managed to finish his music box as his wedding/birthday gift. Garvoc was smiling. Much of his council were also smiling in approval. Tristan sat next to his wife, who managed to wake up, but immediately passed out again. The priest stopped frowning as soon as Aston arrived. Sharvik started walking down between the chairs in traditional orc wedding dress, which, mind you, is nothing like human dress. And so, they were married. The party was grand, the honeymoon, not so much, seeing as it was spent on the field of battle. And so, they lived happy-ish after.

“The end! If you have any questions, or you think that ending sounds a tad bit generic, or you want to learn more, go to the library! Aston isn’t here today, and Sharvik hates being asked about this kind of thing. And trust me, the last time I asked Sharvik, I spent the next few day in the hospital. After all, we can’t chronicle every single little detail of their life. Their life, is their life… I’ll be here next week for the reading of Cinder-ella, and I’ll see you folks later!”

Tell me what you think in the comments, constructive criticism is always welcome, and I’ll see yall later!

Stay tuned… Because next time I’ll start another post for…

The Half-Orc, Episode 1: A Business to Behold!

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I read through it once, it has a humor style I personally don’t prefer. But for that style it was well written. I noticed a handful of mistakes, probably from the speed you wrote it. Unfortuntaly I will not be able to give you the full report atm, in about half an hour i’m leaving for a short little car trip…its only like 12 -14 hours no biggy :confused: so I should be able to “grill you” in a day or so. Leaves you plenty of time to worry.

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Well, since I’m running a tad bit low on ideas regardless, and since I prefer to hear your critique before I start the next part, I think I can wait.

EDIT: I’ll be starting the 1st episode very soon! Also, the humor style probably won’t show up again, seeing as the rest of the story will be told in first person.

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I already mentioned my quick notes above, here is the more in depth critique post.

Infer* or “Astone could already make the inference about what Garvoc was going to say” either one works. But I imagine the first fix is better :wink:

calamity technically doesn’t work here, “calm the mob” or “calm the crowd”

Google’s definition of calamity
"an event causing great and often sudden damage or distress; a disaster."

I’m still not sure who says/thinks this line. I assume its Aston, if so you should change it slightly. Something like
"As if Father going to war with them wasn’t enough."

that is a long lasting town. Impressive that the computer could run the game with that many hearthlings, I guess that’s a testimony to Team Radiant’s work :wink:

This really shouldn’t be in list form, lists aren’t used in narrations (this story so far has been a narration.) they are usually in expositions. Anyway, you do have creators “power” to keep the list there if you want.

is resting*

mood*

you need more at the end of this sentence. i.e “Regardless to the battle and strange wedding to follow.” or something like that.

I don’t think managed should be here, I would change it to “Aston arrived” being that Aston seems to be excited for the wedding now. Managed sounds like he is dreading it.

That’s all, I’m going to make an educated guess and say the child of Aston and Sharvik will be the Half-Orc the series is named for.

Anyway nice addition, I can tell you wrote it very fast but that often is a good thing. Can’t wait for more.

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Actually, that was my attempt to evoke that this is actually a “later-than-we-have” town. I’m really going big with this one, including many things in this story that we don’t have in the game yet! (Including some… Ent-eresting characters!)

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Here’s a link to Episode 1 in case nobody caught it:

Episode 1!

Thanks for the link, i’m one of the nobody who missed it :wink:

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