Poor Goblin Hoarding Party - The True Story®©™
Inspired by The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn
All Anji the Horrendous wanted was 22 stone,
(After hearing a Taylor Swift song by a similar name)
He gazed at the a single cube near his camp every night.
It mocked him,
“You with all your fur pellets and metal trinkets can’t ever touch this”
the stone said, voluptuously referring to herself.
Days, weeks, even years past.
Day upon day, Anji the Horrendous[ly Gassy] walked in a rectangular pattern,
contemplating why stone forever eluded him, and what was taking Louie the Constipated so long.
While his Goblin brethen crafted toilet-paper out of the wooden logs they stockpiled something appeared.
A young Hearthling by the name of Poni Farstrider traumatised by her horse clad wallpaper, clothing and mum’s equine shaped baking, shifted out of her parents home.
She stumbled upon the Kingdom of Rocking Zinfenlad, situated by a pristine blue lake and set out crafting all kinds furniture, beds, chairs and windows and lanterns, for a house that didn’t yet exist. After a few days another poor traumatised child emerged from the forest, then another and another, guided by the distant forest fragrance and an abundance of berries.
Anji the Horrendous heard this commotion and promptly stomped into town, demanding 8 wood for his “personal use”.
Poni Farstrider, surrounded by 16 Mean Beds, 9 Wooden Double Doors, 12 Table’s for One and 27 Simple Wooden Chair’s prompty denied having any wood.
Anji the Horrendous stomped back into town, again demanding 8 wood, this time Manna Jondal, with a tear in her eye, quickly handed over the wood and fleed the nine or so obligatory metres away before going back to her daily duties.
Anji the Horrendous looked at the stone that night, it still mocked him…
Anji, Ange, or “The Big A” to his fellow goblins knew however that he could one day have stone in his stone-less camp.
With ‘Fresh new kicks and pants’ Angi set off to the Kingdom of Rocking Zinfenlad.
Having strength in his heart Angi demanded 22 stone off Poni Farstrider,
but before he could finish the sentence, the furniture obsessed Poni started going-off at Anji how he could have such a nerve to demand more wood off her.
Anji knew it was impolite to speak when others are speaking, and instead quickly retreated to his camp, plotting how to get the stone he eyed in the Hearthling’s stockpiles.
Manna was enjoying farming carrots and pumpkins, when suddenly the familar forest scent grew ever stronger.
Stronger and stronger it became until Anji was stood infront of her. Angi promptly demanded that Manna give her 22 stone, but Manna with enshrined fear squeaked that it had all been used in building the foundations of an abnormally long building. Angered by the Hearthling, Anji drew up his axe, suddenly a coincidental gust burst him forward.
Anji knew however that the gust was no-conincidence. It was all that coconut milk in the Thai Green Chicken Curry last night. Hoping Louie the Constipated had finally finished, Anji returned to the Goblin camp.
Gazing up at the night sky, all Poni Farstrider saw was the pink and white horse patterned wallpaper that haunted her.
Poni tossed and turned, but couldn’t get to bed.
Meanwhile Angi yelled at his goblin minions to go and get that stone from the Hearthlings,
“Rip it from their cold dead hands if you have to”!
At the same time Poni fuelled by a carpentry rage, awoke from the cold, hard, unforgiving earth and demanded to Navin Keloch to get every last piece of wood.
Navin clamoured around, he knew with his rudimentary wooden tools it would take hours to chop a tree down.
Suddenly, Navin saw a wooden ladder.
“Perfect!” he exclaimed, and began to dismantle the ladder.
Moments later Angi’s exhausted minions arrived. They were confused at the vagrant disregard for the occupational health and safety requirements of this young Hearthling, that there be at least one ladder for every one-hundred metres of cliff.
before they could speak Navin grew tired,
‘Ah, a well earned break’, he thought after dismantling 4 rungs,
oblivious to the Goblins above him, he took a nap in the most comfy bed he could find.
The red-haired goblins who like being inside eachother for some unknown reason, knew this was a waiting game, sooner or later Navin would crumble to the mercy of the Hearthling Department of Health’s Minimum Ladder Spread regulation, and then maybe then, they could get stone for their Horrendous leader, Angi.
Hope you liked the bug report of sorts! Silly Goblins!