Well, the game is officially ended. @SteveAdamo, feel free to close the thread. (or let @Geoffers747 do it )
I spent an exorbitant amount of time searching through PMs and even making the map, so I thought it was only right the final battle should be seen by more than 12 people in a PM.
If you’re reading this, it means I made it through all those PMs and stuff. Or maybe I accidentally posted it early. I can’t tell the future. Anyway, for a certain level of sanity to occur I have refrained from dice-rolling. I analyzed both team’s strategies and actions and wrote the battle summary.
As the sun rose over the horizon, the many sounds of bagpipes were heard off in the distance. As the Assailants slowly stood up and realized what was going on, one by one the Dairden responded with their own tune. A tune of greeting, of thanks, of war… The dwarves had nearly arrived.
Meanwhile, the Guardians had been woken by the bagpipes long ago. They gazed into the distance, horrified by the thought of one-hundred-forty trained, battle-hardened, well armoured dwarf warriors. The immediately got to work preparing defenses, gathering ammunition, sharpening swords. Even the golems were in overdrive - although they had nowhere near enough time to build another factory, they assisted in the construction of more golems themselves, rapidly speeding up production times. With the ballista complete once more and the catapult still intact, they were more than capable of destroying a good number of invaders with their assortment of explosives.
While both sides scrambled to prepare, @Lepoard200 casually walked through the underworld, oblivious to the impending doom above. Apart from the occasional human burning in lava, it seemed to be almost deserted. After several hours of nonstop walking (In fact he had no way of telling time, it could have been weeks) he finally gave up and headed back to the portal. No help would come from the demons. Yes, things were looking very bleak for the Guardians and their precious tower.
Back in the overworld, there was good news for the Guardians: following some complaints and arguments by @BigE1943’s crew, the scout confessed. He had no idea what score meant, mistakenly believing it to mean five, not twenty.* In fact, as the number of golems rose to nearly twenty, it became clear the Guardians had a fighting chance indeed.
*GM Note: Just a plot device, I knew what score meant all along.
As the dwarves burst out of the forest, and as @Dwalus decided to stop procrastinating, the battle began.
First, let’s review the lineup.
8 Diarden Anti-Magicians
30 Dwarf Foot Soldiers
Lots of bombs
24 Steel Golems
6 Incompetent Imbeciles
Exploding sandwiches and stuff
Without further ado, I’ll stop delaying…
A horn was sounded as an explosion blasted through the trees, clearing a path for the dwarves. They charged the tower with a mighty roar, apparently not entirely sober. As their allies joined in, the initial assault began. This time, the Guardians met their attack with bombardment. Exploding sandwiches filled the air as miniature bombs and crossbow bolts alike fell from the sky. The dwarf warriors, in spite of their heavy armor, stood little chance against the explosions, quickly losing half a dozen while several more were wounded to varying degree. Unfortunately, both armies had all but forgotten zombie @Gridnick. The undead yak flanked the dwarves’ rear, taking out several more before they even realized what was going on and struck him down.
Back at the factory, things were not going well. The munitions supply had nearly run out, courtesy of @Newf, who had stolen a good number of missiles for later use. @zippy611 rallied the golems to war. The golems walked (they aren’t exactly known for speed) toward the battle, and just in time. One of the dwarves, who appeared to be the commander, had thrown a barrel of ale at the tower and the dwarves all greedily charged at it. Just as the dwarves were rigging explosives to blow the tower to bits, the golems arrived. While the dwarves had high-quality armor, the golems were nothing but armor, and a good deal stronger. They slowly pushed the dwarf assault back, stepping over the fallen. When all seemed lost for the dwarves, they turned and fled for cover as the golems converged on them.
That quickly turned out to be a huge mistake. The had walked into the range of the enemy catapult and ballista, and they were not quite fast enough to escape the artillery. As golems finished off the last of the dwarves and turned toward the other assailants, the bombs fell. Finally, after all but 8 golems had fallen, the Assailants had also run out of explosives to launch. The Assailants prepared to fight the golems personally, but where were @Andrew91 and his Diarden?
The four Assailants left at the tent faced down the eight golems. All seemed truly lost, but destroying the tower was surely a cause worth dying for. @Nicedude80 was the first to charge, swiping at a golem with an axe and burying it deep in the metal. He struck at yet another, but it deflected the strike and swung at him, catching him in the temple. @dwarf and @Heilari charged together, taking out two more golems. Unfortunately for them, two dwarves were no match for five steel golems - and @Heilari was struck too, breaking his leg and laying on the ground unconscious. @dwarf, with no hope of defeating them, fled along with @thorbjorn42gbf to hop in his tank and make a getaway. Meanwhile, more golems were being produced back in the factory. With the dwarf army slaughtered and the Assailants either dead or scattered, let’s review the lineup once more.
@Newf (100) (Missing?)
@Llessur (100) (Missing?)
@Andrew91 (100) (Missing?)
8 Diarden Anti-Magicians (Missing?)
Lots of bombs (Missing?)
6 Steel Golems (1 newly made)
6 Incompetent Imbeciles
Back at the tower, all was finally made clear. A massive shockwave destroyed the second tower, to the surprise of everyone (even those who set the explosives) the golems turned back to the tunnel once more to catch the Diarden and the rest of the Assailants before they did any more damage. As @BigE1943’s off band of warriors headed down to the basement, the Diarden were busy rigging yet more explosives while @Newf stood guard at the stairwell. As the band of bumbling blighters rushed to attack @Newf, he lunged, biting Jimmiothy’s throat while urinating on Antonio. However, it only took a few quick strikes before the legendary hound, @Newf the undying, was eventually struck down. The Diarden looked up at the Guardians.
“Yerr shouldn’t have come here” said Dillard.
“Oh, don’t bother,” said @Andrew91, “it’s too late.”
As the few Diarden who had been slowly backing out of the tunnel fled for their lives, the explosion ripped apart the tower in an instant. Of course, @Lepoard200’s work had certainly strengthened the tower quite a bit - it could be repaired eventually. But for the purposes of the tower as a strategic point, (and for the game) it had been demolished. With all hopes of capitalism destroyed, @thorbjorn42gbf was finally able to establish a communist utopia. Needless to say, the remaining guardians turned and fled.
Sir George the homunculus, Ph.D was able to live an enjoyable life. After establishing a successful law firm, being knighted, and later retiring, he settled down in a small but comfortable cottage in the woods. In the words of the respectable Sir George, “Me like good apples.”
We must honour those who laid down their lives for the purposes of this very pointless battle.
Sir Willys Westledon of Wakefordshire Firth
Dillard Dorkelstein of Dinkdank Deep
Jimmiothy Charles David Flavius James Beauregard the IV of Middlesex
Mohommad Atis Allahu Sieforr Akaba Aab
7 Diarden Anti-Magicians
Why the winners didn’t lose (Warning: Kind of blunt)
While both teams certainly did quite well, the overall lack of coordination by the Guardians was their downfall. While the Assailants had devised maps, battle plans, and attack phases, the Guardian strategy seemed to be to do… whatever. While their effort certainly payed off in the short term (the tower was in full health before this turn) their long-term planning failed. While the lesser number of members on their team was certainly a disadvantage, they certainly had a decent chance at winning. Now, it seems there were two major mistakes that could have been rectified in a single action. First of all, it would have been extremely useful for the Guardians to devise a way to nullify anti-magic. Second of all, they knew there was a tunnel underneath the towers. The knew @Andrew91 was going to sneak under there. They knew @Newf was hiding in the basement. If there had been a single action dedicated toward defending and blockading the tunnels, the victory would likely have gone to the Guardians.
This was a fun game for me, and I certainly hope you all enjoyed it.
Oh, and if I made any mistakes, please forgive me. I worked on it kind of late at night.