Classes and factions part 1: A Groggy Midwinter's Morning

The sun shined weakly through the clouds upon the small town of Gaelat. The clouds loomed overhead as many a concerned sailor gathered at the port to decide what to do about the small group of 30-ish colonist they were supposed to be sending to the new lands ever-so recently discovered by explorers of the goblin race. The captain stroked his beard as he let his men decide what to do. Storm or not, he didn’t care what conditions they were sailing in. He had been through much worse then some drops of water plip-plapping on the deck of his boat.

A single ray of light peered through the window of a room that had once been full of personal possesions and furniture. Now, most of it had been moved to different rooms or sold. The rest was packed neatly in the single chest Harvad was allowed to bring with him as he set out to start a new life in the new lands. Natural resources as far as the eye could see, after all, did sound appealing. Despite his mother’s calls, he had not awaken yet, for his door was sealed tight. But a spider, dangling ever so lightly above Harvad’s nose, was about to change that. The small creature landed on the young Northman’s face, exploring what it intended to call home. Feeling the tingling sensation Harvad slowly woke up… and the jumped out of bed at the site of the spider climbing around on his face. “GYAAGH!” he screamed as he shooed the fleeing spider away, until eventually the poor thing managed to get through a hole in the wall of the house. “I hate spiders!” he shouted. He got dressed in his casual blue tunic, and finally went downstairs. There, his scowling mother glared at him. “I’ve been calling you for the past hour now!” she began. Harvad rolled his eyes and began to grab his things. “You’ve been begging me for months now and then you decide to sleep in the day you leave!” Harvad was about to eat breakfast and apologize to his mum, but the big brass bell that stood at the port began to ring. The ship was preparing to leave. “Bye mom, I love you, I won’ forget to write!” Harvad shouted as he ran out the door with his things. His mother stood in the door way, waving goodbye and wishing good luck to her son.

When Harvad finally got to the port, after running straight through the town’s busywork, the captain was scowling.
“Your late, boy.” The captain stated, with only a modicum of anger in his voice.
“Well…” said Harvad. “At least I’m here.”
“Get on the ship.” replied the salty-mooded man. "Your lucky we even waited this long."
Without another word, both of them got on the boat, and prepared for the voyage ahead…


I completely missed this one :open_mouth: Good thing i check the Fan Media Category occasionally I’ll read it tomorrow.

1 Like

I feel terrible, I forgot about this one yet again…takes deep breath … Here we go.
In general it is a nice dialogue. I didn’t feel like enough of a story was presented, but of course this is a part 1. A problem you have multiple times is your sentence structure, especially run-ons. I will point out a few examples of that as I go along. Sometimes you can get away with a run on, but most of the time it makes it very hard to read.

Serious run-on sentence here. You could probably make this two or three sentences.

I would take out “ever-so” it complicated the flow of the sentence.

Take out “with him” and put in “along”

These should be two separate sentences.

Seems to be stretching the imagination a little too much. As a general rule people wake up very well when they are very motivated for the coming day.

I will be frank, this is not your strongest composition. It seems like you may have been trying too hard to write the beginning of a series. I would recommend moving to standalone short stories. It is VERY hard to write a series. Even people who do it as a job find it difficult.

Another advantage of short stories is that you can tell a complete story more easily. The secret to keeping an audience captivated is a solid story.

I hope you keep writing, but don’t feel pressured. You can’t force inspiration.