Writer’s Workshop Discussion. Cycle 2, Week 3

If you want to submit your stories then please head on over here.

This thread is for the discussion of everything related to this weeks theme and submitted stories. Be it a critique, suggestion, or just general chat about your favorite submission.

Also feel free to post other stories you were thinking of submitting or other ideas you had around this weeks theme.

I can’t believe @PDanford actually won last week :smile:

Fingers crossed for more entries this time around…

think i may showcase my writing prowess this week… dont know if i should submit under a pseudonym though… :smile:

Oooh that is tricky. Although is it really a problem if your loyal subjects all pay tribute by liking your story no matter how hideous? :wink:

no, it really isnt… and there is quite a fair amount of due tribute… :smile:


I’d recommend a pseudonym, just so @Geoffers747 can’t claim it was rigged when you win :dizzy_face:


just read your entry @CableX17… genius my friend… pure, unadulterated g-e-n-i-u-s… :smile:

i decided against a pseudonym… i hope folks will vote for my story because they know i can get advanced access to the beta actually like the work…

here goes nothing! :smile:

edit: i just realized my word count was at 416… a little bit of extra girth, but i’ll work on slimming it down… :wink:

I really enjoyed that, well done good sir :wink:. Layered in back story with some gripping events (that really kept me on the edge of my seat) and tied together as an excerpt of a larger piece, which gives it more weight than most manage to accomplish with such a short story. Very well done :smiley:

However, I must say that it felt just a little forced in the beginning, like it took a paragraph or two for you to really get flowing. I’d recommend, in the future, once you’ve finished the story, hop straight back to the beginning and rewrite some. Usually works for me. Since it takes a while for me to get going, once I do, I go back and use that momentum up a little on my intro, which seems to keep em pretty fluid

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you sir, are an astute reader… thats precisely how i read it now as well…

excellent advice, and one i will definitely take advantage of… thanks! :smile:

i really had quite a bit to tell here, and would have loved to use this for when cycle 3 kicks off… perhaps i can think of a way to continue the story next week…

i was reading this to my wife earlier, and as it incorporates our childrens names, she said it gave her the chills when Isabelle “plunged into the void”… couldnt ask for a better reaction… :wink:

For me it was Luke’s thoughts. I have a few sisters (four), and the conversation he’s having, along with the excellent job you do of portraying his emotions without directly saying them, it just felt like it was happening to me, and I loved it.

If you were to continue this, I would be just ecstatic, haha :smile:

well i really do appreciate that… and i shall endeavor… :smile:

im always leery of posting my writing samples… havent had the urge to do so in quite some time… but your simple, but very effective advice certainly makes it worthwhile…

growing as a writer, and all that… :rainbow:


no points for @SteveAdamo Reason Tony and Tom were not in the story.(1)
next thing on my list. to Sir @CableX17: are you just going to submit random little snippets and win some how?
and last but not least(2) on my amazing list of writers workshop posting: i am taking a vacation from posting until i:
1.get back into gear with school now started.
and 2. after i borrow my friend’s King Hearts Birth by Sleep game and beat all 3 story lines.

#1: [quote=“SteveAdamo, post:1, topic:2683”]
Week specific requirement: the names Tom and Tony must be incorporated into your story.

#2 i lied this is the last thing and who know i might post something later today or tomorrow for the Magic in SH(dont count on it) ok but now last thing: i will try ,once i get back, to use this layout the (#) thing in my writing for stories. i’ll see how that goes


“Can you just imagine the look on Tom’s face when I return with an
entirely new discovery? We haven’t had any advances in the field since
Tony of Cannondale unearthed those massive veins of terbidiu…”

i take back all i said about you steve but still no points. REASON 2: Tony of Cannondale? just why?

creative license? clever writing? because i’m awesome?

take your pick… :wink:

i pick not creative but i’ll give you the license part

Being “The 5th Cannon”, are you too of Cannondale?

why yes… yes i am… and quite a lovely place it is! we have scenic vistas, lovely temperate weather year-round, and very little in the way of light pollution…

we do however house many varieties otherworldly creatures, which tends to put a damper of tourist traffic…

1 Like

Check out my story! The only person who seemed to notice and vote for mine was the competition’s director himself! And to whomever said that writing is time consuming, I made mine up as I went, done in 10 minutes.

Wait i though it was a joke at the time, but is the Tom and Tony part have to be incoprrated? because of my story’s refrence to Steve’s most current one, it could if you wanted to bend the system enough, but tell me and i’ll change and edit it so it will have those names incopreated, like Tom got mauled by a pillow as Tony watched or something.

Also i’ve only got 1 like, so stop complaining! i just got up!

Tell me demonic pillow monsters so I can die happy!