[Fan Fic: Short Story edition] The Wrong Canine

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Hi everyone! This is a story that I wrote for a friend that made Stonehearth videos. I can’t find the video, but in it, he asked me to write a story about a half finished (broken) house involving animals. I wrote this in the comments sections when I was a sophomore, so read at your own risk lol.
Enjoy!
EDIT 1: Special thanks to Turtlesquish for grammar and editing!

The Wrong Canine.

By: King Foxtrot.
(Inspired by Stonehearth.)

Once in a lifetime, long ago, there was a man who loved wolves. He loved wolves so much he wanted to live with them, to become one with nature.

But he knew he couldn’t fulfill his wish. He knew not where the wolves hunted, nor where they lived and frolicked, he could only live in his windowless house he started to build so many years ago, but was never finished. a broken dream like a dying leaf in the wind, along with the thundering rain.

Until one day, when he heard tiny scratching at his walls.
“A Wolf!” He exclaimed happily, “I finally found a wolf!” He got out of his chair and ran through his door to where the scratching had been, but it was not a wolf he found.

It was a little injured fox.

The hurt Fox looked up at the Man, eyes locking on to each other, as if they were looking into each others souls. The Man softly asked, "Who- or what, did this to you?"
The Fox could only whimper in response.

“Oh, ya poor thing…” The Man said. As he tried to pick up the Fox, the injured creature took a painful step back in fear, and had put weight on an injured leg. He yelped in response.

“Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” The Man spoke in a softer voice, which seemed to have had an affect on the Fox, as he wasn’t as tense as before. Seeing as how his little friend was more trusting, faster than the little kit expected, The Fox was picked up. He didn’t struggle as much as he could have, due to his severe injuries.

“Don’t worry little friend, I can fix you right up! Or, at least I’ll try my best…” The Man reassured as he carried the fox back inside. He put the fox on his soft bed as gently as he could, and brought medical supplies back with him.

“This will only take a second.” That second turned out to be ten minutes. He cleaned his wounds, bandaged his injuries, washed and combed his fur, until the little Fox had made a decent recovery. He inspected himself, up and down, until he started wagging his tail. “Hehe, not half bad I take it?” The Man asked with a grin.
The Fox leapt up unto his arms and proceeded to lick his face.

"Haha! Oh! stop it! Ahahaha!"
and thus, the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

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Since I have updated my description, I felt obligated to quickly catch up on the one or two fan fics that I promised to check out. So here I am.

I have read through this short story and it is a bright little gem. It really embodies the stonehearth feel. However I am sad to say that it is a little weak grammar wise.

This sentence is technically fine, but I think it will flow better if you switch “live with the wolves” to “live with them”

Here we have two clauses that use opposite languages. To put it simply, the first clause has the word ‘not’ whereas the second clause has no negative word. So you should either take away the word ‘not’ in clause one, or (and I prefer this method) add “nor where they lived and frolicked” (also frolic is the wrong tense.)

should be “and frolicked. He could only live”

the first half of this sentence is fine, but the second half is an incomplete thought. Consider adding something like “that he started to build so many years ago, but it was never finished.”

This is fine, but to paint a more complete picture you may want to add “Until one day”

missing the word ‘only’

I honestly don’t know what this means, so I guess you should try and clarify.

Overall this story is not as strong as All Alone. The writing style is different as well. But as I said earlier I think the style of this story is very stonehearthesque. I pointed out many of the mistakes that I found. However there is still a lot of work to be done. But I guess you did warn us in the intro.

One more point which bothers me is that the title is not really fitting. Since the broken empty house is hardly the focus of the composition. Try something like “Searched for a Wolf and Caught a Friend” or “The Wrong Canine.”

I hope my comments help you write in the future.

-Turlesquish

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Haha! Always great to hear your criticisms friend. I do agree, it is not as strong as the other story, but I will put what you said to good use and I’ll try to fix up this mess lol. Would it be okay if I used one of those names? Both of them are really good!

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@King_Foxtrot sure feel free to use one of my names.

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